I didn't post yesterday. Why? Well, as much as I hate to admit it, I was not upbeat at all yesterday. It was one of those days where you wake up and everything that has been bothering, should be bothering you, might be bothering you, and may bother you in the future ALL came crashing down on me. It was horrible and I am still feeling the effects today. My head was full of so much thought and worry and at the same time empty. My insides physically hurt with anguish. And it came out of nowhere. I always feel so stupid when this happens. I feel selfish. And those things make it all the worse. Cause now, not only do I feel horrible, but I also think I am stupid jerk. I can't tell you how many time tears began to well up yesterday. I nearly cried twice at my desk, and once on my way home. Then I got an email from my Pastor that nearly broke me up. I talked to my Dad and started to let a little of it out, and nearly let loose with the wails there. I still had to go and lead the youth at church. So, I let them know what was going on and how I was feeling. It was a risk, but I don't think I can lead them if they don't see me as who I am and know I am not much different than they are. We had the most awesome time together and to have those kids pray for me, and show how much they care, well, it nearly made me cry again. I still haven't cried though. I think I need to. It's weird, I am a very emotional person and it's nothing for me to cry. I have never felt like less of a man for doing it. But I haven't this time. Maybe I am waiting for the right moment, I don't know.

I told the youth that one of the biggest things I have going on that's bothering me right now is my job. I love the job and what I do, but I have no friends there. No one I am close to, go to lunch with, or hang with on Friday night. In my two previous jobs, that hasn't been a problem. I've had guys like Ernie, and Mike, and Clint, and a host of others. I feel all alone here and when something is bothering me, there is no outlet. I like the people I work with, don't get me wrong, but so far there is no one I click with and I feel like I am on an Island with boats passing by.

So pray for me. Pray that through this rough time, God reminds me he's still here. That he's gonna take care of me and comfort me. Psalm 94: 18-19 says, "When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love oh Lord supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." ---- My foot is slipping and anxiety is great. Pray for me.